The Clown Car Update for June 28, 2015

Posted: June 28, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 341 of the Tim Corrimal Show, we get a peek at the reaction to this weeks rulings from behind the scenes at the Supreme Court Building. Sources inside the Supreme Court say that in the wake of the ruling upholding The Affordable Care Act, Antonin Scalia went on a supreme rampage.
Outraged by actions of his colleagues, first Scalia reportedly threw his milk at Chief Justice Roberts and refused to get back on his nap pad. Wrapped in his Confederate flag blanket, he screamed at Justice Kennedy that he was a bad man and a jiggery-pokery. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg then tried to calm Scalia with his favorite toy, a copy of the Citizens United decision, but he simply spit on her, called her pure applesauce,  and wet his Constitution underwear.
At that point, Justice Sonia Sotomayor called security and that’s when the real mayhem began. Scalia ran down the hallway screaming “Hobby Lobby” pulling his hair and tearing at his robes. Witnesses say that he then entered the office of Justice Elena Kagan and tore up her law school diploma. Then he wrapped her chair in a roll of toilet paper and sprayed “SCOTUSCare” on her door. Next, he entered the office of Justice Stephen Breyer and threw Breyer’s robes out of the window, screaming to the crowd below “words have no meaning anymore!” After smashing Breyer’s ceramic gavel on the wall, he reentered the hallway where he was met with his friends Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito. They managed to calm him down by giving him one of Ginny Thomas’s foam Lady Liberty crowns and reminded him that there still was the marriage-rights decision to look forward to. This seemed to momentarily calm him. But just as he start flapping his arms up and down with happy anticipation, there was a commotion at the other end of the hall.
“They just ruled same-sex marriage is a right!” someone screamed, and the vein in Scalia’s neck inflated as he blurted out “PUTSCH!” and ran into the street. Eyewitnesses outside heard him screaming “it’s fortune cookies!” as he disappeared into the streets of D.C.  Authorities have asked the pubic to be on the lookout for a man wearing black robes hiding his head in a bag somewhere in the vicinity of the White House. If you see this man, do not approach him, as he may be armed with Fox News talking points.  They warn that he is considered unstable and under no circumstances should you offer him wedding cake or pizza.

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