The Clown Car Update for June 21, 2015

Posted: June 21, 2015 in New Post

This week Donald Trump, reality show host and chief carnival barker of the right wing noise machine, announced that he would be running for president of the United States. His speech was epic, complete with great walls, hotels built by terrorists, $50 actors, and a gun on everyone’s table! It was rambling and incoherent.  It was vintage Trump.
In case you missed it and in our ever ending quest to be fair and balanced, on Episode 340 of the “Tim Corrimal Show”, we will try to make some sense of “The Great Wall of Trump” speech. We will look at some of its more memorable quotes and try to explain what Donald was talking about:

•    “Wow. Whoa. That is some group of people. Thousands. This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this.  This is easily explained by the fact that the crowd was actually comprised of actors who were paid $50 to pretend to support Donald Trump. For this performance, they have all been nominated for Golden Globes.

•    “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending us not the right people” Donald has repeatedly told Mexico he needs maids and gardeners, and they keep referring desk clerks.

•    “I beat China all the time. All the time”. This one is easy to explain. “China” is his pet name for his penis.

•    “When did we beat Japan at anything? They beat us all the time”.  Obviously Donald never heard of World War 2, but he may have been beating his little “China” when they covered that in history class.

•    [Obamacare] is a disaster. $5 billion we spent on a website, and to this day it doesn’t work.  I have so many websites, I have them all over the place. It costs me $3.  The explanation, Donald, is that it takes a lot of money to make people healthy, but only $3 for you to make them sick.

•    “Islamic terrorism is eating up large portions of the Middle East. They’ve become rich. I’m in competition with them. They just built a hotel in Syria. Can you believe this?”.  They call it the “Syrian Trump Chump Plaza” and it’s in the shape of Donald’s hairpiece.

•    “ I have a friend who’s a doctor, and he said to me the other day, “Donald, I never saw anything like it. It’s a disaster”. No, Donald’s friend was not talking about “Obamacare”, he was talking about Donald’s hair.

•    “I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively”. The Chinese beat you to that one, Donald, and they did it very inexpensively – with slave labor – like where they make your ties.

•    “And every time we give Iraq equipment, the first time a bullet goes off in the air, they leave it”.  Which, by the way, is the very place you should leave a bullet, in the air.

•    “And a woman was on television this morning, and she said,  “You know, Mr. Trump, I always was against guns. I didn’t want guns.— “my husband and I are finally in agreement, because he wanted the guns. We now have a gun on every table. We’re ready to start shooting”.  A gun on every table. My advise, if you are invited to have dinner at that woman’s house, don’t criticize her cooking.

Incidentally, Fox and Friends loved the speech and wants you to take Donald seriously. Elizabeth Hasselbeck said that when he walks through the streets of New York people are attracted to him like a maggot magnet . But I think he’s more like what flies are attracted to, and Neil Young would like to send him a message; Donald, you’re fired!

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