The Clown Car Update for April 26, 2015

Posted: April 26, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 332 of The Tim Corrimal Show we were joined by Kim of and Francie (@Francie57 on Twitter) for a ride in the GOP Clown Car with our driver of the week, The Louisiana Lightweight, Bobby Jindal.

Bobby Jindal doesn’t like hyphens. According to Jindal, hyphens are Un-American. At a speech in New Hampshire this week, he said

We used to be proud to call America the great melting pot

Now I don’t know about you, but I do not want to be in any pot that contains a melting Bobby Jindal.  Anyway, he went on to attack hyphens:

I don’t know about you, I’m tired of the hyphenated Americans. No more ‘African-Americans.’ No more ‘Indian-Americans.’ No more ‘Asian-Americans

This is no novel idea for a republican. We all know they are tired of African-Americans, Asian-Americans, and any American that isn’t a white American. But to hear a republican finally admit it is a bit odd.   At least we have their bigotry out of the closet, and into the septic tank of GOP politics. So, while we’re at it, here are some of the hyphenated Americans I’m tired of:

  • Koch-Americans: These are a predatory group adapted to hiding behind piles of money. They are skilled at training lap dogs (see Scott Walker). Koch-Americans believe that a free America is a profitable America, especially for Koch Industries. Their principal diet is GOP politicians.
  • Christian-Americans: Don’t let that name fool you, this group has nothing to do with Christianity. They hate everything from science to gay wedding cakes. They are respectful of life, unless you want their guns and then they will kill you. Oh, and they also like to execute people, but respectfully.
  • Freedom loving-Americans: These Americans love their freedom; freedom to discriminate and freedom to be bigots. But the freedom they cherish the most is the freedom from science, education, and critical thinking.
  • Real-Americans: These are not to be confused with Native Americans. Real-Americans live in areas with “whites only” signs.  They pride themselves on being self sufficient and never having used a library. They hate the federal government, especially when their Social Security and Medicare payments are not made on time.
  • Reagan-Americans: Sometimes know as Reagan Democrats, they live under the delusion that a very poor actor made a great president. They are constantly wishing for another Ronald Reagan who will restore economic prosperity and never sell out to Iran. This would indeed be another Ronald Reagan, because the real one never accomplished either one.
  • NRA-American: Noted for their drooling and howling at the moon, Nugent-Americans are loud and angry. They love guns, talking about the Constitution and threatening to kill people they don’t like. However, despite their loud talk, it is common for a NRA-American to shit their pants at the threat of being drafted into a real army.
  • Fox-Americans:  An offshoot of the Anglo-Saxons, Fox-Americans are generally old, white, and flatulent. They traditionally love to huddle around their televisions and scream at the screen. Their native language is Benghazi. They are easily entertained by blond news anchors and big colorful graphics alerting us of the next Islamic takeover of an American city.

So, Bobby Jindal, I’m with you. Forget poverty, income inequality, and crumbling infrastructure. Lets get to the real threat to America, the hyphen!





Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s