The Clown Car Update for April 12, 2015

Posted: April 10, 2015 in New Post

You know the old saying, the apples do not fall far from the tree? Well, that goes for nuts too and this week on Episode 330 of the Tim Corrimal Show we find that another one fell from the GOP tree when Rand Paul threw his wiry hair into the presidential primary.  What followed was a week filled with the Mad Muppet yelling at journalists and generally being a dick.  He wants to take the country back and restore your freedoms and here’s the plan:

Taking our country back: Presumably to around 1850, before the Federal government got involved in your business especially if your business doesn’t want to bake a gay wedding cake or serve black people. In an interview with Rachel Maddow in 2010, he expressed his reservations about the Civil Rights Act:

…the thing is, is if we want to harbor in on private businesses and their policies, then you have to have the discussion about: do you want to abridge the First Amendment as well.

In other words, he’s OK with the Civil Rights Act, just not the “civil rights” part.

Restoring our liberties:  Unless you happen to have a uterus, in which case The Mad Muppet believes that you should be freed from the responsibility of having to make decisions about your own reproductive system. After all, who knows better what is best for your uterus than an eye doctor who certified himself to practice medicine.

Dismantling the Washington Machine: Ironically, he made this pronouncement while standing on an aircraft carrier which is a rather large Washington machine.

The military budget: Rand strongly believes in a balanced budget yet plans a massive increase in military spending while reducing our military involvement in the world. After all, nothing says fiscal responsibility like spending a lot more money on something you don’t plan to use. It’s sort of like buying a Lamborghini to commute to work the day after you quit your job.

The right to Privacy: And by privacy he means journalists writing down and reminding him of stupid stuff he said. Google and video tape are dangerous in the hands of interviewers who use them to trick him with his own quotes. However as a libertarian, he will protect your right to send pictures of your genitals sent over the internet without government snooping.

Return to the gold standard: And if that doesn’t work, return to the livestock or pelt standard.

And this was only the first week of the Rand Paul campaign. With the entry of  The Mad Muppet, the GOP field just got a little larger and little uglier,  like a suspicious looking growth on your nose.  Oh, and if I were you, GOP, I get that thing looked at, preferably by a doctor with a medical license.

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