The Clown Car Update for March 22, 2015

Posted: March 21, 2015 in New Post

Sometimes our view of the world depends on how you are looking at it. For Dick Cheney, that would be hanging upside down in a cave. So it’s no surprise that in his latest interview in Playboy Magazine, we find that in the Cheney universe, up is down and down is up. Today on Episode 327 of the Tim Corrimal Show, the Clown Car takes a look at some of the questions he was asked and what we may conclude from his answers.

The Clinton presidency never happened.

Q. Do you feel Obama, either intentionally or inadvertently, has undone your and President Bush’s work?  

A. Oh absolutely. Where do you start?

Somewhere in the Cheney universe, he and George Bush created a utopian America, where 9/11, two endless wars, and an epic economic collapse never happened.  For that to be true, George W. Bush had to have been president in another decade, a prosperous decade of economic growth and relative peace. Now, the last time that happened was between 1993 and 2000. So we must conclude that Bush, not Clinton was president in the 90’s.

The Korean and Vietnam Wars never happened

Q. What could the Obama administration be doing right now….to repel Putin in Eastern Ukrain?

A. ..since the end of World War II [it is true] that United States leadership in the world produces a far more peaceful, less hostile world and greater prosperity.

Yes, the Korean and Vietnam wars were quit tranquil, nothing to see here but peace and prosperity, so move along.

DUI’s are not a bad thing

Q. How bad were [your] actual DUIs?  

A. Not bad. I mean, I was driving at the time and I had been drinking

So DUI’s are not bad if you separate the drinking from the driving.  Of course if you separate the drinking from the driving, you avoid the DUI in the first place.

Yale’s affirmative action program includes the dull children of ex-presidents

Q. Have you given some thought to how life would have been different had you not flunked out of Yale? 

A. [There was a story] George W. Bush told at commencement at Yale in 2001. Of course, he was a graduate. And he told…the graduating class of 2001, “If you graduate from Yale with a gentleman’s C, you can become president of the United States.

I guess gentleman’s C is Yale’s way of making it appear that George W. Bush actually achieved something while he was there, sort of like a “Mission Accomplished” banner with a diploma attached.

He may not have even been vice president

Q.  Your critics call [your interogation] techniques torture. To your knowledge, was President Bush briefed about the actual methods that were to be employed? 

A. I believe he was.

He believes, but he’s not sure. Or maybe he was there and no one could see him, like when he stands in front of a mirror.

He’s running out of money

Q. What could the Obama administration be doing right now…. to repel Putin in Eastern Ukraine…. ?

A. First and foremost, we’ve got to rebuild the military.

Apparently his Halliburton profit sharing has not been doing so well since we stopped invading countries for imaginary reasons.

Torture is in the eye of the beholder

Q. What do you say to those who argue that the measures you and President Bush put in place to defend America after 9/11 were unlawful?

A. …we bent over backward to adhere to the law

Literally bent over backwards, you know, like on a board… with a cloth over your face… pouring water into your mouth.

So that’s the upside down world of Dick Cheney. Funny how different the world can be when your hanging upside down in a cave. But, as they used to sing about the Adams family,

He’s sneaky and he’s kooky, mysterious and spooky,

he’s altogether ooky, Dick Cheney you’re a creep!.


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