The Clown Car Update for March 15, 2015

Posted: March 11, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 326 of The Tim Corrimal Show I presented my interpretation of the GOP’s letter to Iran:

An open letter to the leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran

It has come to our attention while observing your nuclear negotiations with our government that you may not fully understand the republican party. Thus, we are writing to bring to your attention two features of our party — the blind hatred we have for President Obama and our party’s insistence on demonstrating our stupidity on a global scale  — both which you should seriously consider as negotiations progress.

First, since our country passed the Civil Rights and the Voting Rights Acts, republicans have deeply resented having to share our country with minorities. Things were simple before meddling liberals insisted on guaranteeing everyone equal rights thus starting us on a slippery slope. Just as gay marriage leads to polygamy, so equal rights led to the illegitimate presidency of Barack Obama. To make matters worse, he secretly is a Muslim. Now, you must appreciate the irony in that! A Muslim negotiating with his fellow Muslims. So you should be warned that whatever this Kenyan anti-colonialist is promising we will negate with the stroke of a burning cross. Every so often we chose a new leader. Last week it was Benjamin Netanyahu. No, our party never particularly liked Jews either, but for now they suit our purpose. So any agreement he does not approve will be considered a Kenyan socialist sellout of Israel.  Further, it may not be recognized in future Fox News segments.

Second, the republican party has unique characteristics.

For example, we are white and Christian (and Jewish for now). In 2008, our party made a stand against elitists with educations who believe that reading and adding up big numbers make you smart. But we fought against the oppression of education, reading, science, and art and established the party of fake plumbers and ditsy governors. That’s right, you are dealing with the Tea Party. Yes, the same party that whose senator threw a snowball onto the floor of our Senate to demonstrate our ignorance of science. We may not know every word in our Constitution, hell, we may not know a single word in our Constitution. But one word we do know and it is this one: we will never agree to anything that the Kenyan socialist does. OK, that’s 10 words, but only liberal elitists would add them up anyway. The point is, you may think we’re stupid but guess what? Your the stupid one.

In addition, our party also has a fascination with bombs. In fact, if the liberals force us to let our elephant go like they did to the circus, we may use Wile E. Coyote as a mascot.  And have you ever listened to the words of our national anthem? We didn’t think so because it was written by a great American, Ken Starr. Its called the Starr Spangled Banner and it has bombs in it. Bombs bursting in air. So if you don’t stop making nuclear stuff a Starr spangled bomb is going to burst in the air right over one of your Ayatollahs. Just ask the Clintons about Starr bombs!

What these two characteristics mean is that you can deal with a smarty pants Harvard guy or you can go to war with us and our real leader Benjamin. The choice is yours but be advised, Bill O’Reilly will deny agreement faster than you can say “I was in a war zone”.

We hope this letter enriches your knowledge of our party and promotes mutual understanding and clarity as nuclear negotiations progress.

Sincerely,

Sens. Moe, Larry, and Curly

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