The Whacky Week that Was

Posted: February 13, 2015 in New Post

This week the Tim Corrimal Show is on a President’s Weekend hiatis so I have way too much time on my hands. As a result, I thought I would give you a roundup of the weeks big and not-so-big stories floating around the internet tubes this past week. If you really like this, I may consider doing it every week. If you don’t, I still may consdier doing it every week since I basically have no life. So lets get to it, the Whacky Week In Review:

Last Friday we received some very somber news on the economy. Well, by somber I mean for the GOP narrative for the upcoming 2016 election cycle. Since President Obama took office the GOP has brutalized the president for his handling of he economy. Obamacare, overregulation, and his liberal, Kenyan anti-colonialist sentiments would drive the country to hell in a derivatives-basket. Well on Friday we learned that the U S added 257,000 new jobs to the economy. In addition, the number of new jobs added in November and December were revised upward to add an additional 147,000. According to the U S Bureau of Labor Statistics  2014 was the best year for job growth since 1999. Now, you all remember who was president in 1999? Hint, it wasn’t a republican. So what was the republican reaction to all this? “Well, he still hasn’t cured cancer and New England is buried in snow”, reacted one republican who wished to remain totally anonymous and not be identified as a member of the GOP. “The president is trying to distract us from his failure to have the ground hog predict an early spring and stop “Fifty Shades of Grey” from being made into a movie”. “These are the issues the American people are concerned about and he’s done absolutely nothing to resolve them!”, he added.

Portland KKK 1922

Also last Friday, Joe Scarborough had his GOP shorts in a bunch over President Obama’s comments at the national prayer breakfast. Scouring up his best faux outrage, he inveighed against the president’s bringing up the Crusades. As Morning Mika posed and bounced in her chair, the ex-congressman turned blathering head blustered: “You see this when you have people that somehow want to paint a broad brush, ‘yes, Radical Islam’s bad Muslims are bad but look what Christianity does, really, you have to go back 700, 800, 900 years?” Actually we only have to go back to July 20, 2001 to find Lori Klausutis dead on your office floor, but I digress. First Joey, going back 900 years is your party’s platform, so yes, I think it’s not only fair, but timely. Second, you conveniently left out all those uncomfortable “slavery as justified in the Bible” parts and lynchings of blacks by nice Christian white folks. As Mika always says, “Oh, Joe…”

On Sunday Alabama’s Chief  Justice Roy S. Moore instructed probate justices in the state to defy a U S District court order striking down Alabama’s ban on same-sex marriage. Just in case you may have forgotten, Moore was previously removed from his position on the court for refusing to remove a “Ten Commandments” display from a public building.  Anyway, he insisted that this was a state’s rights issue, but I strongly suspect he has some rejection issues from when he was younger. It is also rumored that Judge Moore hated “La Cage aux Folles”. In either case, most couples who wanted to get married were able to do so due to the fact that probate judges in the more populated counties of Alabama rejected Chief Justice Moore’s advances. Sad, but even now, Judge Moore can’t get anyone to love him.

On Tuesday Brian Williams was suspended for 6 months without pay because he misrepresented facts about Iraq. His story allegedly changed over time from Iraq being involved in the attacks on 9/11, to weapons of mass destruction, to nuclear capabilities…oh, wait, that’s the wrong lie I’m thinking of. Oh yes, Brian lied about being shot down, much more serious than that first lie I was thinking of because, well, he’s a news anchor and must be held to higher standards than a president, vice-president, or member of the cabinet. After all, NBC’s integrity was damaged by Mr. Williams lie. All that other lie caused were a few violent deaths (206,000 to date) and $1.7 trillion through FY 2013. So, Brian got an unpaid vacation, a bashing by the media, and a public lashing. President Bush gets a library and to paint nude portraits of himself.

Also on Tuesday Jon Stewart announced that he will be leaving  “The Daily Show” later this year. His plans for the future are unclear, as is who will be his replacement. We have been assured, however, that it will not be Brian Williams.

Tuesday also featured Fox News religious nut Robert Jeffress giving us his take on the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Long known for his hatred of all things gay, he is now twisted into a pretzel over BDSM being portrayed in the movies. Incidentally, he should be made aware that being twisted into a pretzel is one of the more popular BDSM sexual positions, but I digress.  He sees this movie as a sign of the Apocalypse all of which we can discover in his latest book “Countdown to the Apocalypse: Why ISIS and Ebola Are Only the Beginning”. He quotes 2 Timothy 1 that in the last days it will be terrible times. I’m guessing that includes terrible movies too. Mr. Jeffress previously held that same-sex marriage would lead to men wanting to marry their 19 year old daughters, something I suspect has long been a fantasy of Mr. Jeffress. Men, hide your daughters!

On Wednesday GOP rising star and college dropout Scott Walker, on a visit to Great Britain, was asked by a British reporter about his views on evolution. “For me, I am going to punt on that one as well. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other,” the educationally challenged governor replied. That answer fell as flat as a New England Patriot’s football on the British audience, as once again they were treated to the very special ignorance of the American right. If only he had the opportunity to insult the London Olympic Games, he would have assured himself of the GOP nomination.

And finally on Thursday Rick Perry, on a three state speaking tour, the third of which he cannot remember, said to primary voters in New Hampshire that Texans don’t want health insurance. “Texas has been criticized for having a large number of uninsured,” he said, “but that’s what Texans wanted”.  Of course, governor, Texans have always longed to get really sick and lose everything because of their medical bills. Texans love losing everything, just look at the Alamo. And obviously Texans have been content to live with mental illness, since they elected you twice. But the ex-Texas separatist did tout the fact that the Texas constitution has made it harder for patients to sue their doctor for malpractice. This, he crows, has resulted in the state adding 35,000 additional doctors. And with Texas’ free market medicine, they don’t even have to prove to some bureaucrat that they ever went to medical school.

So there you have it, the week’s major and minor headlines you may have missed. I hope you enjoyed it and learned something you may have missed trying to keep up with the latest vaccine studies. Have a great weekend!

 

 

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