Clown Car Update for January 11, 2015

Posted: January 11, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 317 of the Tim Corrimal Show the Clown Car investigates a new strain of flu. It appears to have had its origins in the unfortunate events unfolding in Paris. As  reported this week by the CDC it is spreading faster than any strain of flu to date.  It has been officially named the Fox News Flu. It is especially prevalent among white males with a history of chronic paranoia and xenophobia. People with these chronic conditions are urged to get a vasectomy as soon as possible.

The CDC says you should make yourself familiar with the symptoms of the Fox News Flu:

  • Chills: Especially when confronted with the image of anyone black, brown, or in a Mosque.
  • Fever: Seek medical attention immediately if you develop this symptom because it if untreated it can cause hallucinations of blond female news anchors in your living room. In severe cases, the patient may start moaning things like Lindsey Graham, John McCain and Benghazi.
  • Weakness: Although this is a symptom of the Fox News Flu, victims frequently attribute it to President Obama.
  • Cough: In severe cases the patient can expel lies, misquotes, and exaggerated threats.
  • Sore throat: Usually this is a result of screaming incoherently about losing the country.
  • Nausea and vomiting: This is usually a symptom of people who are not infected with Fox News Flu, but have to listen to people who are.
  • Diarrhea: In the case of Fox News Flu, this is most common coming from the mouths of Fox News contributors.

If you develop any of these symptoms, the CDC recommends the following:

  • Turn off Fox and spend an hour with real news sources
  • Stay at home, as you will only spread your disease to others at risk of paranoia
  • Get an injection of facts.
  • If you find it impossible to follow above instructions definitely avoid having children.

And as always, the CDC reminds us that prevention is the best defense against any flu. For the Fox News strain, avoid crowds, especially if they are carrying Gadsden or Confederate flags, or are being addressed by Louie Gohmert.  Keep active, especially when traveling through red states and seek immediate medical attention if you think Bill O’Reilly is making sense.

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