The Night Before Christmas, with Elizabeth Warren

Posted: December 14, 2014 in New Post

SInce the TIm Corrimal Show is on holiday, I thought the Clown Car could use a special holiday edition. So here it is, with inspiration provided by my favorite senator. It is “The Night Before Christmas” starring Senator Elizabeth Warren:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through D.C.
Not a member was stirring, it’s vacation, you see;
Their stockings were hung along Wall Street with care,
In hopes that big donors soon would be there;

The Tea Bags were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Koch brothers danced in their heads,
And Boehner in a stupor, and McConnell with a smirk,
Had just settled their brains for two more years of no work,

When out in the Senate there arose such a clatter,
They ran off the golf course to see what was the matter.
Away to Fox News they flew with a bound,
Picked up the remote and turned up the sound.

The lights on the face of the blond girl on Fox,
Gave the luster of panic to her golden locks;
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But Elizabeth Warren, so they perked up their ears,

With a passionate warning, so lively and stern,
In just a brief moment their ears started too burn.
More rapid than eagles her invectives they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now! Boehner, McConnell, you’ve made such a mess.
“Oh! Coburn oh! Inhoff, oh! Saxby Chambless;
“From the top of the senate down to little Rand Paul!
“Now stop Wall Street scheming or head for a fall !”

As millions of dollars before the election cycle fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, look for a congress to buy;
So up to the old boys the bankers they flew,
With the sleigh full of derivatives, and credit swaps too:

 

But then in a twinkling, as they heard on TV
That Elizabeth Warren was very angry!.
As they spun in their heads, and asked for more drinks,
Elizabeth warned, “your bank give away stinks!”

 

She was ready with facts on how we get the bill,
When the big bankers purchase Capitol Hill;
A bundle of sins she flung their way,
And she warned of the coming of a big judgment day:

Her eyes – how they flared! her voice how it roared,
Her warning was stern, “we won’t take any more!”;
“We must stop selling congress wrapped up in a bow”,
“Just pretending our motives are pure as the snow”;

 

She told the whole story while showing her teeth
As the message encircled the crowd like a wreath.
She had a broad appeal, and a fire in her belly,
That shook other democrats’ backbones of jelly:

She was strong on the stump, very sure of herself,
And they flinched when they heard her in spite of themselves;
Oh, the look in her eyes and that brain in her head
Gave Wall Street supporters a woman to dread.

Then she finished her words and went straight back to work,
Putting coal in the stockings of GOP jerks,
And thumbing her fingers up to her nose
And throwing the bird from the lectern, she closed.

 

She sprung to the door, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like a liberal missile:
But I heard her exclaim, ere she walked with her team-
“Happy Christmas to all, wait ’till 2016!”.

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