The GOP Clown Car Update for November 16, 2014

Posted: November 17, 2014 in New Post

This week on Episode 316 of the Tim Corrimal Show we witness the opening salvo in the 2014 War on Christmas. Not since the Moors invaded the Iberian Peninsula have we seen a war like this.  No, not Afghanistan or Iraq. I’m talking real war! The War on Christmas. The first battle has been fought and it pitted the allied forces of Christians and Jews against the Muslims.  This time the battle was in Montgomery County, Maryland.

It all started when members of the Muslim community in the Montgomery School District requested that the school calendar reflect the Muslim holy day of Eid al-Adha.   Now this request had been made years earlier with no progress toward a resolution. But this year, the Wise Men (and women) of the Montgomery School Board decided that rather than include the Muslim holiday, they would instead purge the calendar of all religious holidays. There, no more holidays for you for one year!

Enter the Christmas Warrior himself, the commander of Seal Team Santa, Bill O’Reilly. With a stake of holly as his weapon and a brain made of Christmas pudding, our hero jumped into the fray with all the zeal of a department store Santa at the end of his shift. Bill swore to avenge the wanton cravings of these Islamic hordes (well. they were actually just the parents of some of the students, but that kills the dramatic effect).  And what was Gen. O’Reilly’s objection to including the Muslim holidays? Simple, there aren’t nearly as many Muslim children in Montgomery County as Christians and Jews. That’s right, you have to have a specific number to count as a religion. Of course, by that standard, we should exclude Rudolf because there are may more non-illuminated reign deer than the red nosed variety.

Anyway Bill is angry that “these people” just wiped out all of our traditions. And where does it end. Hindus? Buddhists? The next thing you know all the religions of the world will want to be recognized. And then what, gay weddings on Christmas Day? Over Bill’s dead Christmas goose! He will fight to the death, or at least until the Fox News holiday office party which they better call a Christmas party or Bill will respond with tinsel grenades and mortars filled with broken ornaments.

So there you have it. Christmas will prevail or Bill will be die fighting and be buried in Wal-Mart’s best Christmas giftwrap. The other religions of the world are no match for the fury of a raving Christian with a desk at Fox News! Game on!

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