The GOP Clown Car Update for September 21, 2014

Posted: September 21, 2014 in New Post

This week on Episode 310 of the Tim Corrimal Show we were treated to the Dean of Doom, the Chicken Little of the United States Senate, Lindsey Graham. Last week on Fox News Sunday, Sen. Graham was on the show to give his expert assessment of the ISIS threat and President’s Obama’s strategy for dealing with it. Obviously paralyzed with fear he did the interview dressed in desert camouflage while hiding under a desk. The interview quickly deteriorated into a hysterical rant not heard since Carl Rove was told that Barack Obama was re-elected president.

Now Lindsey is an excitable boy, easily frightened by everything from squishy spiders to circus clowns with big floppy feet. If you remember just last September, he warned us that if we didn’t enter into a war with Syria, within six months a nuclear bomb would go off in Charleston Harbor. Not New York Harbor or Boston Harbor, but Charleston. Why Charleston? Well, frightening things, including those circus clowns know where he lives.

The latest bogeyman to make him soil his pants is ISIS. On Fox News Sunday, he warned that President Obama has to “…step up before we all get killed back here at home.” That’s right, all of us. Not just a few hundred, not a few thousand, all 316 million of us. Everyone in the contiguous United States, Alaska, Hawaii, and U.S. territories will die. And ISIS will not stop there. They will kill our pets, our houseplants, even the big bunny rabbit that talks to Lindsey that no one else can see. You won’t even be able to hide under your bed because of those flesh-eating gnomes that come out when the lights go out.

It’s already started according to Lindsey. The recent increase in the sale of ski masks and gloves is proof. No, it’s not seasonal sales. They are distributing uniforms under the cover of outerwear catalogues. One day you or a loved one will take an innocent trip to the supermarket and never return, kidnapped by ISIS and later seen on videotape reading ISIS propaganda from the produce section of Piggly Wiggly.

So act now or die shopping for eggs and milk, the choice is yours. Lindsey and his big rabbit friend have warned you. By the way, his rabbit friend’s name is John and he’s a senator from Arizona.

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